One step at a time.

Harder than I knew it would be. Persistence is my goal now. And as much as I hate it, social networking. It seems if you want a job in the field you're qualified for you need to know someone. It's silly thinking that the people who would be best at the job may not necessarily be considered first. But here I am, about to join that circle.

I've really been focusing on staying positive. Even if the worst happens, I'll still be okay. Life will continue. I just love having a purpose and without one, I'm finding myself sad. A whole new kind of sad than I'm used to. Now that I am surrounded by people that love me (and that I love very much back) it's not a matter of being lonely, but wanting to share good news. They are all so supportive, even at times too supportive, if there's such a thing. I want to be able to shout good news and feel the excitement of celebration.

It's such an easy thing for me to be able to talk myself out of knowing what I want to do, just so rejection doesn't overcome when I can't do it. Substituting is what I need to do. It is a fine job. I would be good at it, what I'm sure they are looking for: a qualified, loving, and willing to work many days person. I would make great references and networks. I just can't find an "in".

When the darkest dark seems hopeless, keep going. Here I go...