Some grace from above

My car was broken into tonight...or sort of. I guess I forgot to lock it, and well it locks automatically after a couple minutes, so it had to happen right after I left it. I had everything in there for my stay over Thanksgiving, you name all my things worth value and they were in the car: laptop, ipod, huge book of cd's, several dvd's, some portable speakers and headphones, clothes... I know, my car was stacked full with all of my crap. God must really love me because the only thing they took was a cookie tray from a party we had in class today with about 10 leftover cookies. They did rummage around in my glove box so I'm afraid they took my insurance card or got all that info on there. I'll have to call them tomorrow in case the assholes who messed around in my shit decide to say I hit them or something crazy like that. God I hope those cards don't have your social security number. And they were also kind enought to ash their cigarette on my seat as they were leaving, leave my dome light on, turn my windshield wipers on, and not close the door. I shouldn't be complaining they didn't take anything, for God's sake my laptop was in plain sight, well in a laptop bag, but those are plenty obvious. I'm baffled at how I still have it. I never leave it in my car, I'm always careful, but I was just going in for a while and new I'd be back home soon to unpack my car, so I figured it'd be ok for just a bit. I'm pretty good at being strong, but I freaked out. After that happened driving back to my parents house, just the two minute drive, I was scared shitless that someone was in my backseat ready to strangle me. I can't express how thankful I am that all my stuff was still there, but it makes me scared. Why didn't they take anything (well minus the cookies they could have bought for $5 at any grocery store)? Why was I so lucky? In the last two weeks two women by themselves have been reported as being mugged for their money at stores very close to where I live. I was already nervous about that, now everytime I'm by myself (which is always) I am going to not feel comfortable. I was always so good at feeling confident and safe, now this turns me into a scardy cat? It's going to take time to build that strength back up. I can't sleep because when I close my eyes I picture some stranger sitting in my car smoking just rummaging through all my belongings. They even looked through my toiletries and left some on the front seat. I'm probably just overtired and worrying about this too much, I'm a pretty levelheaded person, but crap, that shit sucks. One person, maybe it was a kid just drunk and goofing around, not wanting to cause damage, just being dumb, got me. I always tell myself people can be nice and do my best to think positively. Maybe God was sending me a sign. This sounds trivial, but for someone in my place, looking for a reason for religion and if someone is truely watching us and loving us, tonight sure gave God some points in my book.

Progressive dinners suck

Why can't all the food just be at one place? Seriously I think they are dumb and not to sound ridiculously old, but irresponsible too. Really? Thirty year olds getting tanked and then driving to another place for the next course? I thought with age came wisdom. So you'd figure they would make responsible plans and not create a function where half of it is driving and the other half is drinking. They may as well just stay in their cars and drive around town sight seeing. I'm bad at the whole just sit around and talk thing too. Never have anything good to say and am terrible at telling stories. I can listen pretty freakin well thou. However just listening to drunk story after another isn't quite my idea of the perfect night. I wanted to try so hard tonight to have fun and not be so pessimistic, but with even knowing and thinking that I literally could not stop myself. My mind is closed and I can't fix it no matter how hard I try. I even attempted talking to people but they made it clear I was not worth it. I think perhaps the area i'm in is too classy for me, i'm not one of them. I don't wear nice clothes or like to drink myself silly whenever possible or like to bad mouth others who aren't around. Only god knows what they say about me. Enough bitching. I'm tired of complaining, I will just do my job and live my way. I refuse to give into their standards, it is just not who i want to be.

Life is difficult

The cliche phrases float around in my mind as they slowly are revealed to be true. Not as if I questioned their authenticity, just perhaps their depth. Although understanding them doesn't find me any closer to solutions it does give me comfort that at some time, probably long long ago, someone was feeling the same. Mean-hearted of me, I know. They are for a reason after all. The repetitive nature of life, the struggle, the questions, the love, the blah blah and so on is overwhelmingly been done and seen before. However somehow those phrases, the commonplace of a diverse culture's being, has become a staple of the cyclic life. Just how did they become? They are here now, I suppose all it takes is one broad thought encompassing a trivial point of life. I would like to create one... ............ ....................... ..... .. . but all that comes to mind is cliches. How ironic.

What if I just don't wanna?