I would quote this as the randomness of random.

Lately, there's been a lot going on. Not just with me, it seems everyone has their time occupied. Not necessarily with physical activities, but something of the sort that keeps their mind moving. Mean thoughts being exchanged, people being hurt, people being appreciative, people being kind, jobs changing, people sick, people healing, basically I can think of a little of it all happening somewhere around me now. It's interesting to take a step back and just watch. I've considered myself unemployed for some time now, and I've been through many of phases, yet just getting to the point of acceptance and looking at my time as a positive, I find it funny that I was offered a job. It's nothing special, your regular run of the mill office-phone answering job, yet it paid enough to let me know if I took it I would feel more comfortable financially. And although it is not something I will love doing, I feel fairly comfortable saying I think something better will come along, this will just keep me afloat until then. Living by trying to just stay afloat is a funny thing, well it's not funny at all actually. So many people are doing it and frankly I don't see it as a positive way to be. Finances are usually the cause of the sinking feeling and it pains me to know how much of a hold money has on our lives. I just don't know what to think of it. So many would say if they had more money they could be better people, i.e. giving more and raising their daily emotional well being. Here's what I'm wondering: why does it take more money to do that? I get it, I do. More money equals more options, more freedom in how lives are lived. Therefore more ways to do good. I guess I'm just trying to say that it makes me sad that is what it takes to think we can be better. Well, really I'm not sure what I'm getting at, besides the fact that I hate money and how I feel it runs my life. Finances are like being tied to a rock while plummeting to the depths of the sea for me. There's a corny simile for you. I just feel trapped by it. It's humorous I went into this having no notions of what I wanted to say and this is what came out. I want to dream of a world without money tonight. I know without the doom of money, surly other problems would arise just as daunting, but I'm just sincerely curious in what it would look like.

...let the mind daydream for a bit...

October flew by like breeze, ha, a breeze with lots of rain. It's my favorite month, not just because my birthday is in it, however that did make it particularly special this year. I am usually opposed to using the word blessed, it's just not in my comfort level of speaking, but it's probably the best word I could think of to describe my birthday. It's not that I was given an amazing present that my friends all went in on together, although that was an incredible bonus, but rather I got to feel how much they care. It was my special day to feel loved and they accomplished it. Not that I don't feel loved by them every other day, but I think you understand the sentiment. Anyways, October is my favorite month for many reasons. I love the weather, the cool wind, the beautiful colors, the changing of times, it's all rather pleasant for me. But that's not the biggie. Really, October stands for something in my mind. Kind of like Missouri was the gateway to the West, I see October as the gateway to the special time of year. October is the beginning of family get-togethers, the beginning of thinking of special ways to show special people you love them, the opening to long school breaks for students who need a rest from class. It's the beginning of a great season, in my opinion. I guess it's just my favorite time of year. I love bundling up and having cozy fires and taking in the atmosphere created by all the sights and smells. I'm not a person that enjoys hype, matter of fact I love Thanksgiving more than Christmas because I feel the message hasn't been killed quite as much. Christmas definitely has a special place for me, just maybe not for the reasons that are most commonly associated with that holiday. I love thanksgiving because their are no expectations. People gather because they love each other and want to celebrate together. Probably what Christmas is more supposed to look like.

...a few seconds of reflection...

I have no where I'm going with this, other than the fact I felt like typing and this is my outlet. I'm not trying to make bold statements or sway anyone's opinions, merely stating my own, because sometimes it gets old with them just swishing around in my head. I have no purpose to this blog and I like it that way. I know they are supposed to be focused and concentrate on one thing, yet I think having an outlet for ones thoughts is important. Everyone does it differently, some talk, some meet, some pray, some use physical methods, some write, I type. Or more so a mixture of all of the above.

...another dose of wandering and here's the conclusion, random, but seemingly a closing...

I went into this blog feeling the need to write about how I feel changed and have been doing things to keep my outlook positive recently and somehow my mind went astray. I felt selfish. So self-serving to be always writing about myself. Today, I felt more of the big picture was on my mind. Everyone has problems, everyone has activities, everyone has their life. It's so easy to be consumed by our own selves. Yet it's the love of others that makes it easy to see outside of that. It's ironic and slightly comical how we work. One word, so small, is such an excruciating large part of our lives that without makes it nothing. You go by, just staying afloat, lacking that key without the goal in mind. Let it seem trivial and obvious, but I hate how easy it is to forget about love. The center of it all, and so easily pushed aside. How is it that the ultimate of all feeling, showing, receiving, giving, can be so inconsequential at times? So battered down by everything other, the reality is buried or warped to things not meant to be. Such a pure emotion. Yet so misused and ignored. It's a wonder how it's dealt with day after day and still comes back for more. Unworthy, but still it is there. Always coming back for more. Astounding.