First year is the worst, you gain experience, it gets better... I've heard them all. But what is supposed to happen if it is just NOT what you want with your life? Yeah, it may get easier, more enjoyable, yet even so I don't think I would want to live it.
It is beyond me how people enjoy it. The small moments of joy that skip in and out of the day are nice, but hardly worth the other fiascos I'm having to go through.
Perhaps I'm being emotional, but I'm lonely, don't like my job, can't tell anyone how I truly don't think i want to do this job for another year because they are so proud of me for getting there, and don't know how to better my situation. I guess friends would help, but Ill be honest: i'm so closed off and depressed here at times it really makes it hard to want to get to know new people or vise versa. I feel like all I have is to complain about my life now and frankly I wouldn't wish that upon anyone to have to listen to.
Good god I need to get out of this funk. The want is there... now what?
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