I hate money.

Don't you just love it when people assume since they have money, you do too? Oh, yeah I'd love to go in on a $400 Christmas present with you, no problem. Let's see subtract rent, gas bill, electricity, cable bill, cell phone, gasoline, student loans, credit card payment, prescriptions, pet supplies, and the occasional meal for myself and I'll be able to chip in about 20 dollars. The part that is really bothering me is that the girlfriend is paying more for my parents gift than I can. How miserable does that make me feel? I know they just want to get them a nice present, but seriously. I wish a million times over I didn't flunder the last year with credit cards, I'd be so better off if I didn't screw myself over that way. I'd love to go out and spend money on the people I love this year, but I'm trying desperately hard to get myself to a stable financial point. It sucks, but looking at the big picture I can't wait to not have those payments every month.

I'm going for the actual spirit of Christmas this year with telling the people around me I care about them without buying fancy presents. I realize that sounds like the cheap way out of it (and yes that is part of it), but really I hate how people get you something and expect something in return. Or even worse they give you something just so they can get something. The best presents I've ever gotten were the ones a person got me just because they knew I had a bad day or because I was sick. The question, "are you getting me something?" dumb. Everyone knows you only ask that so you know whether or not you have to get that person something in return. I have a couple people I want to give something small to, but its not just to give them something its to show them I care about them and what I gave them made me think about them. It is going to be something made or baked. And then you will not believe this, but I don't want anything in return. I don't like that my gift makes people feel they also need to get me something. That's silly. If I give a person a present their enjoyment and happiness is all I like to see. I'd rather give than get, I know this sounds like a load of crap, but really its true. And especially with the way I've been thinking lately I already have too much junk I dont need. All I know that this time of the year is great if you are around people who understand this.

I get sad when I think about the spirit of Christmas lost to the hooplah of making sure you got everyone a gift. It's a special time of year to enjoy. I can honestly say I've already enjoyed mine knowing that I don't have to worry about what to buy people; cuz that's nothing. Well minus a few craft and bakery supplies I picked up. I don't even know why I'm still writing about this, it just gets me fired up and depressed at the same time.