Smiles and Frowns all around

I had an extreme high and low today. Which to begin with. Aw heck, I'll tell them in the order they happened, so high first.

I told my team I was looking for a job in another city, which meant probably moving away come summer. I expected some, "oh really?" "didn't expect that!" and "why would you do that?" responses, yet I got none of the above. They were excited for me. They knew how much i love the other city and how much it means to me. Their comments were all out of love and understanding and gratefulness of me being upfront and honest in letting them know personally as a team. (that partly goes to show how word travels around a school and how sincere honesty coming from the source can mean the world to a person) My team said they would miss me lots if I do move away and they would pray for me to find a great job there. So there was the high.

Here's the low: I kicked a student out of my class today. I'm not proud of it and wish it didn't have to be done, but a teacher can only take so much disrespect and waisted time before some severe action needs to take place. The student was blatantly ignoring me and on top of it they were waisting 17 other student's time. I can deal with a student ignoring me, but when it comes down to them ruining the education of the rest of my class I figure one student out for the success of 17 others is what needs to be done. You know when your class is staring drop-jawed at the situation at hand, wondering why the hell isn't that kid doing what the teacher is asking, there is a problem. So knowing I did what had to happen, I still feel guilty. The pressure of being a teacher is disheartening at times. Did I do something wrong? Did I not teach him something? Was there something I could have said to make the situation go better? are a few of the million questions floating through my mind. I want so badly so be the perfect teacher for every one of them at every moment, but the truth of the matter is that is not possible. So to quote from my lesson on grace, "you can only give your best" and that's how I ended my day. Frustrated at how the situation went, but knowing I did everything I could to keep that kid in the class before the time came for him to leave helped me not dwell on the situation and forgive myself for not being able to be the perfect teacher at that moment. I only wish everything I do is that easy for me to forgive. That's a different day and a different blog. Some things you just gotta keep working on...

So i end on a low today, but a semi-positive one as I know I did my damnedest to try my best. (That stupid phrase is becoming a repetitive nuisance in my blogs, I'm gonna have to get away from that one.)

Anyway, I figure tomorrow's Friday and although I look forward to the weekend (as per any human to get away from the stress of work), I also loath it at times. It seems its easiest for your feelings to get to you when you are lonely and bored. So I've conjured up a list of things for me to do this weekend, without spending money (since I have none it would be difficult anyhow). Here's some of my ideas: writing music, learning my new Disney and fantasia piano songs, repainting my dart board, finishing the book I'm reading, finish applying to schools (what a painful process, all that paperwork to stuff into an envelope and pray they like what they read), and maybe even get out for a run or rollerblade if its not in the teens like this past week has been. I'm always in a better mood if I work out, so it gets pretty down when the weather turns cold and all I can do is stretch and pretend workout apartment stuff. I figure that should be enough stuff to keep me going until next week starts. Oh, and I have season 4 of Scrubs to finish, so that's always an option too. Hope everyone's weekend finds them well.